Saturday, December 30, 2006

14w2d Get In My Belly!

I am an eating machine. Trying to consume healthy stuff, and for the most part that is going ok. I seem to have no desire whatsoever for sweet stuff, which is totally weird for me. I barely touched any holiday treats because they just seemed kinda... ew. Normally, I would be eating a Christmas cookie or candy every 10 minutes if it was anywhere in the vicinity.

The hard thing is that I am starving just about 2 hours after I've eaten. Even if I eat something very high in protein, like this morning - 2 eggs on toast and cereal with milk. Hungry again just 2.5 hours later. My non-preg with twins self would be fine until 4 in the afternoon on fuel like that!

Does anyone have any tips (except for "keep eating!") that might make this a bit easier? I know it sounds kinda fun to be hungry all the time, but it's totally not. It's kinda demoralizing. Because I don't enjoy the food in the way I might when feeling normal. It's a VERY intense hunger but though I am not exactly nauseated all the time, it's still kinda yucky to eat about 70% of the time. But I HAVE to eat, and do it immediately, because if I don't the blood glucose plummets and the crash is not pretty: shaky, depressive feelings, dizziness.

Oh yeah, I should mention - I don't eat meat/poultry, which makes it all a bit more challenging. I DO eat plenty of dairy, eggs, and some seafood, though I am trying not to overdo this (mercury and other contaminant concerns + environmental concerns). I'm definitely into the tofu, tempeh, beans, seeds, nuts, etc. and trying to balance with complex carbs and good amout of fats. but I'm running out of creativity! Help! Anything you can think of besides "Suck it up, UtRus!" ?

Saturday, December 23, 2006

13w2d Fog is Lifting

I hope I am not speaking too soon, but it seems as if the nausea is lessening. A few days ago I got my progesterone level tested and it was 60 (!) so I went off the vag suppositories. I was on 200MG 4x per day until a week after the CVS. I think the combo of starting the 3rd trimester and going off all that extra progesterone has made a big difference. I've got two placentas in here now producing all they need.

I've noticed a big mood change at the same time. Soon as that extra progesterone left my system I have felt better than I have in months. Like a fog has lifted. I have had a few poignant moments of "feeling like myself" - do you know what I mean?

Ironically, I remember that going ON the progesterone when I did actually helped. I was feeling anxious at the time and it seemed to take the edge off those feelings. But then after a while, it felt different. As the pregnancy progressed and hormones icreased, it was more tired/depressive feelings rather than anxiety, per se.

Anyway, I am reminded that all this hormonal business that we go through COMBINED WITH the stresses of fertility treatments can make for a pretty intense rollercoaster. I think I have sometimes forgotten how big a part the chemicals play. I have mentioned before that I go to a therapist weeky, which really helps a lot. But it's nice to be reminded that brain chemistry is a *real* issue, and that we can only do what we can do in terms of cognitive behavioral therapy IN SPITE OF the hormones.

Thanks for checking up on me! All is well. :) I am learning to eat small meals very often (6-7 times per day) balanced with good protein, carbs and fats and plenty of fiber to keep things movin'. I was having some pretty intense blood-sugar plunges, and now I think I am finally getting a handle on this part. Walking 4-5 times per week and now about to go to my first prenatal yoga class. Will start swimming soon.

More soon - Happy Hannukah, Merry Christmas, Joyous Kwanza, Happy Bodhi Day... no matter how you celebrate, I wish you the very best and send my profound thanks to you for connecting with me. It means so much. I am reading you!

Thursday, December 14, 2006

12w Good News

Our CVS results came back normal. We are extremely relieved. And these are the final CVS results, with cultures and all. We still have to do AFP testing at around 15 weeks.

We now know the sex of the wigglers: one girl and one boy. Thank you, universe. So far so good. I still can't help the difficult scenarios that my brain thinks up. I hope I continue to become more optimistic as time goes on.

So... we're coming out of the closet slowly today. We're being really choosy and careful about who we're telling first. We have so many friends who have experienced loss and fertility problems that we want to tell them first, and gently, and coming straight from us. I hate this part of it. Especially with twins. It's not fair. Makes me sick to my stomach. And it's not the morning sickness.

Monday, December 11, 2006

11w4d CVS Procedure

I am lying on the couch taking it easy after our CVS procedure this morning. It went very well - the doc was able to get samples from both wigglers through my cervix, thereby thwarting the need to go through the abdomen. With twins, they often do have to go through the abdomen for at least one of 'em.

I would say that the procedure was no more uncomfortable than my HSG, which is to say, pretty mild. I have sort of a wacky curved cervix that creates a challenge for any doc trying to thread a catheter up there, but this doc was really adept! Frankly, the worst part was when he put the speculum in and had to wrench things around a little because of my retroverted uterus.

The doc had an awesome bedside manner and spent a lot of time with us. What a great guy. And so awesome to know that his stats are amazing. So. We'll get the partial results by the end of this work week, and the rest of the results (they need to culture cells) within 5 weeks.

Hubs was pretty nervous this morning. Actually, he mentioned it quite a few times this week. I think the anticipation is hard for him. For some reason, even though I am an accomplished worrier, I don't feel too worried about this. I guess I'm so used to people messing around in the ol' Ute that it just doesn't phase me much anymore. Also, as far as the results go, I figure that what is already is, and has been so since we put sperm and egg together. I want everything to be ok, but just don't feel any worry. Novel!

Really hope that everything is ok and that we can start to tell people. It's getting harder to hide - I'm a pretty slim person and am definitely showing a pot belly. And looking a bit thicker in general. I've made so many excuses and told so many little white lies (little pink and/or blue lies?) that I really am looking forward to coming clean.

And yes, we're gonna find out the genders. Stay tuned. Reading you, and fingers crossed for all the CycleSistas...

Sunday, December 03, 2006

10w1d Little Wigglers

Went to the RE for our second-to-last checkup. Here are Batman and Robin in their Bat-sacs in the Batcave at 10w1d.

The little wiggler on the left was waving her/his arms around and the one on the right was sleeping until the end of the ultrasound when he/she woke up and started wiggling around as well. I can't feel anything yet. When do you think I will be able to feel them moving? I have heard that with first pregnancies, you feel it later (because you don't know what it feels like?)...

And here is a wacky 3D photo of either Batman or Robin. I find it kinda freaky - it's so... REAL.

They are only about the size of kumquats but so detailed already. I didn't know that so much differentiation happens by this point. It made a big impression on Hubs as well.

We had our genetic counselling session to prep for our CVS testing one week from tomorrow. Learned a few new things, but we went into it fairly schooled up already. Really hoping everything will be ok. Stats are on our side (chance of 1:82 for each fetus - which means 1:41 overall - that something would be found to be wrong)... but we do know at least 2 couples who have had very bad results and have had to terminate. So, we are aware that anything can happen.

Nausea seems to be lessening in the past few days, but it's early yet, so not sure I'm out of the woods with that. Still getting desperately tired by about 3PM. Feels kinda like the worst sort of jet-lag. But overall, doing pretty well. And mentally, though I still have moments of disbelief, panic... I am going on 3 weeks now of a much-improved mental state. For that, I could not be more grateful.

UPDATE: Forget that above comment about nausea lessening. I blew technicolor chunks last night for the first time, ruining my record of "haven't thrown up yet." And it was this totally nice stew that Hubs had made. I felt bad about that (but not as bad as I do about all the blood vessels I broke around my eyes from yacking so hard). Almost lost it this morning as well. Is this gonna suddenly get worse NOW? At 10 1/2 weeks? Sheesh.